If you’ve ever wondered what would happen if your grandma’s casserole recipe had more legal protection than your medical choices — welcome to Iowa, where Governor Kim Reynolds has taken her anti-marijuana stance so far, you’d think weed once keyed her car.
While other states are handing out cannabis cards like library cards, Iowa remains stuck in the 1950s — but somehow with worse vibes. Reynolds is so anti-marijuana, she probably flinches when she walks past a hemp bracelet at the farmer’s market.
And the result? Iowans are skipping the mellow route and going straight for the hard stuff. Weed’s illegal? Fine. Pass the Oxy. Got back pain? Here’s a sack of fentanyl and a prayer.
One guy in Cedar Rapids said, “I asked my doc for a little THC balm. Next thing I know, I’m in a pain management clinic with a punch card for Percocet.”
Thanks to Gov. Reynolds, Iowa’s unofficial slogan has gone from “Fields of Opportunities” to “Fields of Pharmaceuticals.”
Honestly, at this point, you could show her a stoned cancer patient petting a cat and she’d still be like, “Arrest that man. That feline is an accomplice.”
So until sanity arrives at the Capitol (or she finally confuses marijuana with Miracle-Gro), Iowans will just have to keep choosing between suffering in silence — or riding the opioid rollercoaster like it’s Adventureland.
Stay safe out there. And maybe hide your Tylenol — she’s probably coming for that next
Shane higdon 